Red Marsacre
Sci-fi erotica survival
60 years in the future
Shhh. A ship just crashes into Mars because some idiot forgets to refuel the ship’s thrusters.
Everybody is panicking on Mars. No solution found on the Google search.
They are now discussing the next step.
Zed: Aaagh. We have no water, low oxygen, and no shelter. Not really like my hometown in Afghanistan.
Meiwy: I got a plan for water. Let’s recycle our urine in our purification machine and give toast for another day. I’m sure Elon Musk would approve of my craftiness. I got some experience working for SpaceX.
Urgay: I’m not drinking my diabetic urine. You want to spread your HIV diagnosis to me. I would rather eat dirt than strip my jackhammer in front of y’all.
Distrack: What about using the atmosphere’s air to make water? I think it’s called windosynthesis in my ecology textbook. I can harvest some elements to combine them into water.
Urgay: We got a lifesaver here. Looks like the prisoner has some use after all. I was planning to drop you in a blackhole to address our overpopulation on Earth. Now, I can save you for my dinnertime later.
Meiwy: Urgay, stop that nonsense. We stopped eating humans after imposing the one child, one family policy. Abortion was our savior. Plus, we might need him to be the farmer because he cured my poison ivy itch.
Zed: Calm down everybody. I’m the leader. In case y’all forget, I wrote all the John Wick series. Follow my advice, and we can overcome anything, even alien species. Water is the first priority because I smell like my underground pile of feces. Dibs on first shower.
Urgay, Meiwy, Distrack: Ok, Captain Underpants.
Meiwy: Second order of business is replenishing our oxygen supply. I got 10% capacity on my suit.
Zed: OMG. I got 1% left.
Zed dies 2 minutes later when his oxygen hits 0%. Crew does mouth-to-mouth, but he suffocates from breathing too much carbon monoxide in his suit.
Urgay: I’m taking over his reign. I’m keeping his sunglasses, so I look like James Bond. MI6 can’t compare to my style. Distrack, go get that water going. I’m dismantling our engines to charge our suits. Hopefully, the oxygen is traveling back into the suits.
Distrack: I’m working on that. We will have water in two hours.
Meiwy: I’m going to build a mini tent for us. I’m using our bedsheets and putting four stakes to hold them in position. It only took me one minute. I get all the easy jobs because I’m a female. I wish I can help y’all out, but I’m starving. Can we eat some MREs?
Distrack pulls Meiwy to the side to lead her into the food bar. He strangles her with a used condom from Urgay’s trash can. Meiwy struggles to fight back, but her body goes limp with his death choke. Distrack carries the murder weapon to dispose it. He runs into Urgay.
Urgay: I see you had some fun with Meiwy. How was the sex? I bet she lick your balls off your fragile sac. Did you fake it? I don’t see no liquid in that bag. Where is she?
Distrack: She fell asleep after we finished. I left, so I don’t disturb her. Anyway, her role is done, and she has no purpose to hang out with us. Oh, I took off the condom to let her get a mouthful. First time I ever got sex, so I made it count.
Urgay: Spicy finish. I got our oxygen going by the way. Here’s a recharged suit from our previous leader. I paid my respects by stealing all his possessions from him. He would thank me in Genshin Impact. I saved his progress by changing his profile name to my own name. I also renewed his OnlyFans’ subscription because PH got banned for normalizing pleasure. Everything has got a paywall now just like entering the Black Market requires 1000 B coin. No, I meant Bitcoin. My English is still rusty because I hail from Wakanda, Nigeria. So much resources from mining cryptocurrency exchanges through spearfishing emails.
Distrack: I’m sorry for making you miss your hometown. Let me switch in the new suit, and I will be your slave for a day to indulge you. No homo.
Urgay: I will give you freedom after we get back to Earth for your helpful services and being the most useful of us all. I’ll wait by the communications room.
Distrack veers to the laboratory and grabs the unknown bacteria strain that caused Covid. No treatment was developed, and it was the deadliest virus known to mankind. He puts it in the water and mixes it with some legalized Marijuana. He changes clothes quickly and heads to the destination.
Urgay: What took so long? I almost got a boner from my 10 minute private session. I see you got me a drink. Why does it smell like some chlamydia and some Cardi B booty?
Distrack: You are on the wrong track. It’s just carbonated water and Mars dust. Water is water. It’s odorless.
Urgay: Let me gulp that then. I’m as dry as a newborn virgin. I haven’t had sex in 365 Earth days because my Instagram DMs are empty. No one wants to be my sugar mommy.
Distrack: Make sure you drink all of it. I put all our vitamins in it. Vitamin D, Vitamin C, Vitamin E, Vitamin A, Vitamin B, … you name it.
Urgay drinks all of the spiked shake. Distrack says to him after “I’m free, you are never going to leave this place alive.” Distrack bolts to the other end of the door and triggers the emergency lock on Urgay. After 10 days, he goes back to check. Urgay is dead from running out of oxygen and lung failure. Meanwhile, Distrack plants some trees to replenish oxygen and uses his method to nourish them with water. He manages to get in contact with Earth. The International Space Station launches a rescue mission to bring him back to Earth. Once he arrives on Earth, he is lauded as the lone survivor and given a Nobel Peace Prize for accidently confusing photosynthesis with his coined term “windosynthesis”. No one remembers the rest of the crew. Their remains are buried at the death for service honorary memorial for being the first ones to pioneer exploration on Mars. Now, there is a space academy to send cadets on Mars with Distrack in charge.
The end.